Relationships- The Top 10!

Hi Ladies & Gents!

I wanted to switch things up this time around. I wanted to invite two guests to make things a little bit interesting. I asked two different women who know nothing about each other to answer the same questions about relationships so that we can create a discussion about how they think. Whether they think alike or different. There’s no right or wrong answers, my new saying for 2016 is that “No one has mastered this thing called life, but we are all masters of our own experiences”. Therefore, we will be open to agree and disagree if need be. Fellas please comment and share your thoughts as well!

Now let me tell you a little about these two beautiful women…..

 

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ANGEL C.

Angel C. is 33 years old with two children ages; 2 and 11. She’s a hardworking woman who will give nothing less but the best for her children. God fearing woman who loves Jesus Christ! Her loving heart is what many people love and admire about her; she would give you the shirt off her back, that’s how pure her heart is. She was married to my cousin who is now deceased, his life was taken away from him by gun violence in 2014. God has many things in store for her, the rest is still being written….

 

 

ELOLO (2)
Kyla J. & Endi L.

 

 

Endi L 27 is my bestfriend who has a daughter age 7. She’s a jill of all trades and won’t sleep until she conquer the world plus more. God fearing woman who loves Jesus Christ as well. Out of all the things that she does, nothing compares to her dedication to her daughter, that’s her pride and joy! Her daughter’s father was also killed by gun violence many years ago. God has many great things in store for this woman as well….the rest is still being written…

Now let’s get to the Good Stuff!!!!!

 

1. Why do you think men cheat? 

ANGEL C.: I believe men cheat due to insecurities.  They have a need to be desired and wanted and sometimes their wife, girlfriend, etc. is not enough to boost their ego, because they have already “conquered” her.  They get complacent.    They need to make sure they still “have it” so to speak. Often times it starts off as simply attention seeking, and due to lack of self-control the situation escalates. I firmly believe that a man who cheats has low self-esteem and/or issues within himself. There are some situations where its circumstantial and based on relationship issues, however, I believe this to be the exception and not the rule. 

ENDI L.:I believe that men cheat because of a number of reasons, some of them are: some men have never been taught or witnessed a healthy relationship and they were never taught how a woman is to be treated, some men are afraid of being in a vulnerable position and they feel powerful when they have multiple women, and some men are just outright afraid of commitment.

 

2. Do you think some women provoke their man to cheat?

ANGEL C.:Yes.  I believe that if you aren’t holding up your end as a woman and or constantly being accusatory of him cheating then it may result in a man cheating.  Ultimately the responsibility is his though, there are other ways to handle these types of situations besides cheating, i.e. counseling, separation etc. 

ENDI L.:I believe that each person in a relationship is accountable for his or her actions. A woman can do certain things that could possibly drive a wedge between her and her partner but the decision to cheat is solely up to the man and he is fully responsible/accountable for his actions.

 

3.What scares you the most about dating in this day & age?

ANGEL C.:The values overall have changed. Women aren’t respecting themselves and/or their bodies, causing sexual expectations to be high and respect to be low. There’s no loyalty anymore, no unconditional love.  Nowadays most people are together for appearances and have marriages based on the wedding and not the relationship.  Cheating is glorified and morals are a thing of the past.  Communication is almost nonexistent due to cell phone usage.  I could go on & on.  I was always taught that a man should protect and provide and men today expect women to do that.

ENDI L.:The most frightening aspect of dating is the numerous disease that are going around and the fact that people do not value relationships, therefore, they sleep around as if sexually transmitted infections do not exist.

 

4. What are some Characteristics that you look for in a mate?

ANGEL C.:I look for loyalty, love, protection, to provide, understanding, patience, friendship, intimacy, respect, communication and laughter and HE MUST RESPECT LOVE PROTECT AND PROVIDE FOR MY CHILDREN AS HIS OWN.

ENDI L.:I have been told that I am very “picky” when it comes to picking a mate, but I firmly believe in “ask and it shall be granted to you” When I imagine my soul mate I imagine a GOD fearing man he doesn’t have to be active in church upon us meeting because I believe that I can help him gain a deeper understanding of our savior, but I do not want to have to convince him that GOD is real, I want a man who has experienced life, lived a little, had his share of fun so that when he crosses my path he is ready to settle down, I want a man who is educated, honest, handsome, hardworking, family oriented, goal driven, patient, respectful, generous, financially literate and stable, emotionally stable, affectionate, selfless, funny, tall, and a man who adores me. Is that too much to ask? (lol)

 

5. What are your deal breakers in a Relationship? 

ANGEL C.:Lying, cheating, abuse of any kind, drugs, gambling and any other unhealthy addictions oh and habitual unemployment.

ENDI L.:A major deal breaker is a man who does not believe in GOD, who doesn’t believe that JESUS is the son of GOD and was sent to redeem us. GOD is a major part of my life. I am a firm believer and I will go toe to toe with anyone about my savior, but I do not want that battle to be with the person I am in a relationship with.

 

6. Do you think some of us women set our standard too high for a relationship? Are we too picky as it relates to a man?

ANGEL C.:I think one should NEVER SETTLE.  With that being said I feel like you should have REALISTIC STANDARDS.  A lot of people are in search of the perfect love story wrapped in the perfect package.  However, you have to be open to the idea, the fact that your “ideal mate” may not be God’s choice for you.  For example, I have a physical preference in the men I choose to date, because all relationships initially start based on physical attraction, however, I’m open-minded as long as I’m approached respectfully because I don’t want to miss my blessing because he didn’t fit my physical expectations.

ENDI L.:I am aware that my standards are high and that I am picky when it comes to what I want from a man, but I also know who my GOD is and I know that I am worthy of a man with great characteristics. From my understanding far too often women settle for men that do not come close to what they desire in a man and most times they end up regretting the time wasted with a man that they knew was not worth their time from the beginning.

 

7. Besides from the wrongs that the men have done in your relationships, have you ever stopped and thought that you played a part in the wrongs as well?

ANGEL C.: I absolutely did.  I can only speak for myself, but I personally agree with the saying “all the things you accept become things that you regret”.  I believe I was too accommodating.  I was too eager to trust again after being wronged.  I didn’t require the proper steps be taken to put the relationship back on track like counseling.  And although I forgave I couldn’t move past the hurt which ultimately caused certain aspects of my personality to change and the way I behaved towards him to change.

ENDI L.:I always try to evaluate both parties and the role that we both played in any situation. I found that great percentage of people never look at their actions and are quick to blame someone else. This aspect of my personality allows me to be very understanding as I relates to other because I almost always try to look at every situation from the other person’s prospective.

 

8.Why do you think that some of us women play the victim in the relationship instead of taking ownership of what we do wrong?

ANGEL C.:I feel like some women truly feel that they are the “victim” they don’t realize what they’ve done wrong a lot of times until its too late or until someone brings it your attention.  Even then they’re still in denial.  It can also be a defense mechanism or security blanket protecting them from taking responsibility for the role they may have played in the wrongs in their relationship.

ENDI L.:Some women play the victim because it is easier than owning up to their truths.

 

9.Why do you think that men are blamed for majority of failed relationships?

ANGEL C.:Society/Media.  Men have always been viewed as the villain when relationships go wrong.  It’s learned behavior so to speak its what we’ve been taught and constantly reminded of.  I also believe that the man ultimately has the responsibility to provide and PROTECT, therefore giving him “control” over the relationship.  Therefore, when something goes wrong it’s his fault.

ENDI L.:Men are blamed for failed relationships because majority of the time they are the reason.

 

10. Do you think that some women have gone too far by taking on masculine tendencies being the “independent woman” because of being hurt by men too many times? 

ANGEL C.:I absolutely do. First of all A WOMAN CAN NEVER BE A MAN.  And ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME. FUTHERMORE THAT IS NOT THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT TO BE.

ENDI L.:I cannot say that women have gone too far by taking on masculine role because most times women don’t want to take on those roles but certain circumstances leave them no option. In today’s society most children are raised in broken homes by single mothers so the masculine tendencies are all learned behaviors. Another element of our society is there are so many displace men, men are absent from the home with a high percentage of the male population being either gay, in jail, dead, or a deadbeat they are not stepping up to fill the masculine roles.

**I DARE YOU TO RESPOND!!!!
Keep scrolling & Share your thoughts below!!!

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m glad you spoke about communication….let’s dig deeper!!! I absolutely dislike when I first meet a man and he instantly texts me and everything else after that is sent through a text. What saddens me is that relationships are built off no communication at all, and women think that if he “Texts” then he really likes her or is accurately communicating with her. We gotta get back to the basics, back in the way communication had to be SOLID because there was NO CELL PHONES or HOME PHONES at one point. I love talking on the phone and if communication can’t be built on hearing my voice, then we have nothing to talk about.

    Thanks for adding a valid point Angel & joining the conversation! I appreciate your support.

    Like

  2. Angel T K says:

    Such great dialog you started here! The responses for “What scares you most about dating this day and age” were the ones that resonated with me most! It’s no coincidence both ladies mention values or lack thereof. A shift in core values has upended the foundation of dating. The whole objective use to be get to know a person and, if compatable, build a relationship with an intended spouse. Now dating serves as a foundation for netflix and chill with no end game in sight. And as Angel C stated cell phone usuage has killed communication. Text messaging is not true conversation. A wise woman told me to not allow a new love interest to mostly text. “Make sure he picks up that phone and calls you!” Best advice ever. No matter our strides in technology we have to remember that we are humans who need to experience human interaction in order to connect. If you pay attention there are people all around us that are more vibrant and forward via their social media interactions. When interating in person those same people completely lack social skills. As both ladies said, it all comes down to values. We need to get back to basics and valuing relationships! Can’t build anything on a weak foundation. Thanks for reminding me ladies!! Great great dialog! I enjoyed!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow!!!! Thanks Cornelia for the comment. & you know what, you are right in what you’re saying because we must be willing to accept the consequences behind what WE have chosen to accept. Our standards must be put in place so that we can avoid the heartache of our mate’s actions. If we set the standards in the beginning, both partners are agreeing to it. However, if we allow any and everything to just be, “ok” …we will most definitely end of regretting what we accept. Why regret what you played a part in accepting.

    This is a GREAT conversation! Thanks for joining in.

    Like

  4. C says:

    Great blog! I enjoyed reading each woman’s perspective on the topics. I wanted to specifically comment on the quote ” all things you accept become the things you regret.” I actually disagree with this statement. I would say understanding the consequences of settling or accepting less than what you deserve is important for us as we work to build a strong foundation for a long term/ life time relationship. There needs to be an understanding that we can accept Alternatives but we should not necessarily lower our expectations. Expectations should be flexible and vary depending on circumstances, while requirements should always be met. Example, I require my fiance to contribute 60% of his income to the household. But I am Flexible in knowing that 60% will vary based on salary, bonus, layoffs or promotions. I require my man to be a good father, while I am flexible in understanding we both have varying ideas on what equates to “good” and know we will need to work together to agree on how to parent. I’ve only ever regretted things I didn’t do, or missed opportunities. Things I’ve done, or choices I’ve made, good or bad, are the experiences needed to develop me into who I am. I don’t have regrets about my choices I’ve made, because at that time they were exactly what I wanted/needed.

    Thank you writing this blog and I hope my opinion doesn’t offend anyone. Just sharing my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amber L. says:

    It’s great! I love it! Both women definitely had my attention to keep reading and I wouldn’t say I can relate to their opinions but I do agree. Good Job Spicey on the blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The quote, “All things you accept become the things you regret” is true within itself. There must be standards set before going into a relationship therefore, both partners are aware of what each other is willing to accept or not. I think that if we took the time out to really get to know who we’re getting ourselves involved with then many relationships wouldn’t exist.

    What happens in this day and age is that women and men are jumping head first into relationships with people they know nothing about. Often times, these people get married and begin to learn the truth about each other after marriage or after having a child from this person or people. We could save ourselves from many heartaches if we slowed things down and got to know the person who we’re interested in. The hardest thing to do is learning someone through a marriage, you’ve already said “I do”, before God and your family and friends and spend thousands of dollars on the wedding. Which means that it will take time to get out of that, once you’re in it.

    We must stop, think, and ask ourselves, “Do I really know the person I’m dealing with?”
    With that being said, Men and Women are the blame for failed relationships. The real question is, who will be woman or man enough to admit it.

    -Ms. Spicy

    Like

  7. Rene Taylor says:

    Both ladies have very valid points! But what stuck out to me is the question about us women playing apart in men cheating. When Angela stated “all things you accept become things you regret” is such a true statement because men only do what you allow them to do. I’ve experienced that personally! And also as women if you’re not taking care of the needs of your household or doing what you should in a relationship than that’s another reason men cheat! But that’s vice versa because if your man is not complimenting you on a regular or doing things he should you tend to find it on another man. And my last point is I definitely disagree with Endi when she say men are blamed because most of the time it’s their fault, Even if a woman isn’t aware of doing wrong most time it’s something she doesn’t do, if it’s from Sher doing something at the beginning of the relationship and then she stops or if it’s her just switching up her style, it an be any lol thing to trigger his attention being on another woman because sometimes in a relationship we get to comfortable and we stop doing the things it took to get the relationship and that’s both men and women!

    Liked by 1 person

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